Picket Fences

A Picket Fence Life was born from the belief I am sure many of us carry: that through love, intention, and hard work (or in my case summed up into one little word...CONTROL) we can cultivate a perfect life that looks and feels just the way we imagined as we were entering into adulthood. A perfect life complete with the metaphorical “picket fence" unfolding exactly as planned, crafted by our own will complete with cinematic symphonies playing in the background.

But then one day out of nowhere, life chuckles at our plan & comes barreling through our “picket fence” with the grace of a rogue goat on a mission - leaving splinters, crooked boards, and chaos in its wake. And we quickly learn that life has a way of happening despite our best laid plans. And sometimes, it isn't just one rogue goat, it's a herd of goats that seem determined to take everything we've crafted and flip it upside down. Yet, like a picket fence thats splintered, crooked, and weathered by sun & rain, the cracks can reveal character, beauty, and a little bit of mystery. And as it turns out, the most beautiful picket fences are filled with imperfections, discoloration, and look nothing like the day they were first built. We have no choice but to embrace the cracks, discoloration & imperfections because we own the fence, we own the "perfect", and the cracks are all chapters in our own unique story.

Over the years, through motherhood, divorce, heartbreak, growth, and unimaginable loss, I have learned that the life that forms around us as we are planning rarely matches the one we once pictured. Some of it more beautiful and awe-inspiring than anything we could have imagined on our own, and some of it more heartbreaking and earth-shattering than we ever believed possible. It is a landscape shaped by moments that lift us higher than our dreams and moments that break us open in ways we never saw coming.

I am a mother of four grown children, and after losing my oldest son, the person I had always been disappeared overnight. Grief rearranged my identity, my future, and the way I move through the world. It changed everything I thought I knew about myself, my future, and what it means to live fully. Each day since has been a journey of learning who I am now, in this new life I never asked for but now must navigate. It is a continual practice of choosing to reinvent from a place of compassion instead of expectation, and to allow myself grace on the ugliest of days.

In the midst of this reinventing, I’m also searching for purpose, and trying to let a little fun back into my life. Which is quite funny in itself - as you can imagine, attempting to pair fun up with my grief feels like trying to pair Snoop Dogg up with Queen Elizabeth II…legendary on their own, but absolutely not built to match and no logical reason they should ever be in the same room. But the reality is, my grief is not going anywhere. She is the 24/7 companion I never asked for and she is here to stay. If I want fun to join the party, I have to create a safe and cohesive space for this contradicting union. Most days I can’t remember what fun even feels like, and then there's been the few occasions she’s snuck up on me and I quickly scare her away with my overthinking. Some days it feels absurd, other days it feels impossible, and sometimes it surprises me in the most unexpected ways. But I’m learning. I am trying to meet these awkward & now unfamiliar moments with gentle humor (or trauma humor as we so lovingly call it in our house), because grief may shape me, but I’m planting my stake in the ground and going to battle. I am refusing to let it erase the parts of me that still want to live, laugh, and occasionally be the fun one again. I am refusing to let it permanently steal my joy & my slightly wild, often chaotic, playful energy that I so desperately want to come barging through the door again. Most important, I am committed to respecting the effort this requires and allowing space for the uncomfortable in these moments.

Enter A Picket Fence Life. A space for those navigating the beautiful, messy, imperfect reality of being human. A space where I can find purpose in sharing parts of my journey in hopes of connection. A space for anyone who has watched their “picket fence” weather storms they never saw coming, and who is learning, day by day, to keep going anyway.

Here, over time you will find stories of growth, resilience, reinvention, and the quiet strength that comes from creating a life that honors both our dreams and our scars. I write with honesty, tenderness, and a touch of humor, because even in grief, there is room for light. My hope is that you’ll find connection, comfort, permission to be imperfect, and encouragement in a way that feels true, grounded, and real. Because although life rarely unfolds the way we planned, it is no less meaningful than we dreamed. It’s the one we lovingly craft from all the unexpected pieces - joyful, beautiful, complicated, broken, & sometimes heartbreakingly devastating.

With Love,

SS